Been sick for this past few days, feeling so horrible. Relying on medicine everyday.

" Too young to be this sad " so true. 

Sometimes i really wonder what am i doing, why must i go through such things, why does it affect me. 

Having doubts about myself, can i go back to the days where i have no worries?

Can i be emotionless...

your soldier,

xx

why is my memories holding me back

time check: 12.55am

Blxckhexrtx, depicts a lot in the photo.

Some lies may be hurting but eventually, i meant well for you.
Take me as a bitch, a self-centred one. I dont mind cause eventually, you will understand why i am doing this. You may think im heartless and unreasonable but things gotta be done has to be done. Shall drag no more.
It's better to know the truth earlier than to drag the truth and in the end, causing more hurt to you. Right?

Life is getting better for me, improving slightly.
Get to meet willy, it is really a joy to meet willy. Such a bitter-sweet feeling.
Having my best friend with me every single day.
Been meeting my best friend for every single day in my life for more than a month. Thank you for being here with me, travelling to really far places for me and always delivering me food. Blessed.

one more thing, I NEED TO STOP SHOPPING. Every single week without fail, confirm have many new clothes. My new clothes are piling up so high..... STOP. My bank account is gonna have a breakdown if i continue my high expenditure laaaaaaa.

Goodnights my soldier
xx

Soldier still surviving; waiting; misery

Companies do take your mind away from misery for awhile 

Heart of a soldier

xx

My journey towards you. Passing you have a little faith and letters.
This is all i can do. 7 January is finally here but yet again, another disappointment.
someone save my sad soul please.
Some people thinks it is very easy to wait for a person. Well, they are totally wrong.
Once you are in my shoes, its impossible to feel this heart wrenching feeling.
"I am soldier"

I thought a busy schedule will take my mind off everything and just give me a break. I am wrong.
Been working everyday, like after school. Having few hours of sleep everyday.
However, i realise, A tired soul tends to think more. Tends to think why am i doing this to myself.
Taking long bus ride and just staring outside the window.
Life is a game. Game of survivors, who will survive this long and tormenting pain?

Heart of a soldier
xx

xx

Been through a night where my heart aches so badly and I could literally feel sharp knifes stabbing my heart continuously. For hours, to be precise, 5 hours. Crying till I feel so suffocated and couldn't stop.
You only realize the pain when the person leave you, I never used to understand such pain but I do now. Should I call this, karma? Never believe in such things but then again, I do now.
I'm blessed, I have my bestfriend.
Came up to my room at 5am to give me a hug and told me to stay strong. Just less than a 10 mins meet, but I feel a lot better. Guess what, I was in my sport tee and a boxer, hair in a mess and really swollen eyes. ( Hey what do you expect, i cried for straight five hours )
Was in such horrible state, I wouldn't even dare to look myself in the mirror but my bestf can still tell me I look fine.
You know, this is actually why I love my bestfriend so much, not judging me when I'm bare face. Being there when I'm at my lowest point. Accompanying me to unknown places to get my things done. Waiting for me for hours while I do my things. Always surprising me with my favorite gongcha, Starbucks, cupcakes, smoothie, chocolates and etc.
It's hard to find a true friend who will always be there for you. There are all this pretenders around you but in that crowd, i am sure you will be able to find the perfect person who is true to you. No masks, no pretends, no lies, just a person who is able to accept every single flaws of you. Are you able to be that person?

Without my bestf, I would just be all alone, all by myself when I'm down.
I'm feeling better, thoughts still run through my mind every second but I'm trying to control my emotion. No matter how much I cry, nothing will help my situation so all I can do is to pray and be strong myself.
Shall not be taken down by a small setback, heart of a soldier.
Will be praying every night. For once, god please help me.

It's 2.51am, school in a few hours, gotta catch some sleep now.
Goodnight my soldier
xx